Anxiety Cooldown
Ever since I can remember, I have always been the shy, emotional, and easy to pick on kid. Whenever I was in a huge gathering, I would just hide in a corner or hide behind my parents. I was always the one that would cry over everything. It made me the easy target for my older siblings to pick on me, like what siblings do to show their love, but being emotional I took it as rude. The anxiety that I had when I was younger has only increased throughout my years.I never knew how bad my anxiety was until I started getting anxiety spikes, where I would just "shut up" and be very closed off from the world around me. Never knowing how to deal with these spikes, we tried everything to see what can help. Nothing seemed to work. The anxiety would keep me up at night and cause me to start stressing over something that either I did in the past, or something that hasn't happened yet.Always hating the subject of English, I never expected one of my coping skills would be to write down my thoughts in poem form. It all started off as a school assignment to write a poem. All I could think about was the job I recently started. While writing the assigned poem, it started to just come naturally to me when I was writing about something on a personal level. It had a special way to express my emotions in a way that I could easily think about them. Here is a part of one of my poems which is about my anxiety:All that you see,Is what you think is me,But what you don't know,Is what happens deep below,As a cover that hides,All of my deepest despises,Never showing anything,That causes the most sting,I’d like to showWhat pains me the mostBut it hides very down deepMaking me not able to sleepFeels like I need to hideTo prevent looking SuicideWhich really doesn’t helpKeeping it all on a shelfAll the thoughts in my headWhile I lay in my bedKeeping my mind awakeWhile my mentality just breaksAll the compliments I getThat just don’t representWhat I think they seeIn what they believe to be mePeople think I take things easilyThat they can insult me and it'll be sillyBut the pain that is causes all dayIf only they knew what they did sayThe reason that I write the poems isn't so other people can read it and feel sorry for me, I write it so I can think about how I am feeling. Emotions take the best of me 87% of the time. I hope that sharing my experience about not overcoming, but dealing with anxiety can inspire others to find their poems.
Brittan
